Artist/Author: rosesofred
Title: Gay Pirate Dads I Guess
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death
Summary: This is basically right after the last episode and Stede came back to reunite with his gay pirate boyfriend. Also Lucius is alive, Stede found him chilling in the ocean and Blackbeard said sorry for the whole murder thing. Ed is trying to be a better captain without the violence and that's really hard to do when you have a feral racoon of a first mate like Izzy Just Needs A Hug Hands, all one name.
Notes & Warnings: spanking
Having the spoiled blonde cherub back on board made Izzy seethe with rage. He would do anything Blackbeard asked him to in a heartbeat but treating Bonnet like he didn’t betray his beloved captain and suffer no consequences? That was asking too much. Still, Izzy held his tongue and managed only the most icy of glares directed towards Stede to satiate his anger. If the Captain saw fit to let that dog of a man run around his ship with little to no repercussions for his actions, fine. So be it. But he sure as hell wouldn’t respect the idiot.
“Are you alright? You look a bit red.” The stupid high pitched voice startled Izzy out of his thoughts, snapping his focus back to the ridiculous man demanding his attention.
“That’s none of your business, you fucking dog.” He emphasized the f in his jab, practically spitting his words at him.
Stede held his hands up placatingly, looking more worried than offended. “Ok, that’s fine. I just wanted to know if you’d be joining us.”
The second mate narrowed his eyes at the dandy. “For what?”
“Well that’s what I was trying to tell you. Edward wants you to join us for dinner.”
The offer made him both furious and happy. Before the buffoon of a co-captain met his dear Blackbeard, Izzy joined the captain for dinner at least three times a week, sometimes more. Now with Bonnet leaching off the ship like a parasite it had been almost a week and half since he came back and Blackbeard hadn’t asked Izzy to join him once since before he’d been depressed. “Fine.” He was ecstatic.
“Excellent! I’ll put out a place for you.” Stede turned on his heel happily, hands clasped like a lady in delight as he retreated to ‘their’ room. It was really the captain’s quarters but the blonde idiot had decided it was his too since he was in bed with Blackbeard. The thought still made Izzy shiver. How Edward could see anything desirable in the pansy co-captain was beyond him but at least he wasn’t depressed anymore.
He gazed out over the open ocean, watching as the sun set and the crew chattered about where they were headed next. Taking a deep breath, Izzy hobbled towards the captain’s quarters, limping with the support of his cane. Every step reminded him of how close Blackbeard had been to returning until Stede ruined it. He’d lost a whole pinky toe for his captain and yet that scum blondie came back without consequence and took Blackbeard away from him.
When he opened the door he could hear laughter, the sound ripping through him like a stab to the heart at the sight of Ed and Stede kissing near the table. He swallowed hard, closing the door behind him as he limped inside and waited for his captain to regain his composure. “Izzy mate, glad you decided to join us. Have a seat.” Blackbeard gestured to the chair at the opposite end of the table, far away from where he normally sat. It dawned on him then that Stede had taken his spot next to the captain, leaving him to sit in the usual place of visiting company.
Izzy’s heart sank but he nodded in acknowledgement, sitting down without protest. He was the better man here, the captain would see that if he kept a level head. Stede smiled at him as he took his own seat, shaking out his napkin like a proper little pansy and setting it across his lap. Blackbeard poured his co-captain a glass of wine, gazing at the blonde fondly with adoring eyes. It made Izzy steam with rage but he hid his expression behind a polite smile when Ed walked to him and filled his glass too.
“Well.” Blackbeard grunted as he sat down, picking up his utensils the way Stede had showed him. “Lets dig in, shall we?”
The aroma of dinner did smell quite exquisite but a queasiness had settled in Izzy’s stomach and he felt far too aware of his own breathing suddenly. He watched as the captains stacked their plates, listening intently to how Bonnet instructed the dark haired man in table manners. “That’s great, you remembered! Right, and that fork is for dessert.”
Blackbeard grinned. “I think I’m starting to get the hang of this.”
“I think you are, you’ve almost got it!” Stede leaned over the table, gently kissing his captain’s cheek with a shameless smile.
The sight made Izzy sick and he rolled his eyes audibly, leaning back in his chair with a grunt.
“Something you want to say?” The captain was speaking to him now and he looked up to see both men looking at him curiously.
“No. No sir.” He sat up straight, realizing he’d groaned out loud by mistake. “Pass the chicken,” he ordered, gesturing to the blonde.
Bonnet reached towards the plate when Ed blocked him with his hand, staring intently at his first mate. “No. Try again, this time with the respect he deserves.”
Izzy felt his mouth go dry, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Of course he would obey his captain, he always did, but he couldn’t seem to form the words right now. How could he show respect to the man that betrayed Blackbeard and changed him into this sniveling weak coward?
After a long quiet stretch, Ed slammed his butter knife into the table hard enough that it stayed standing. “Now.”
Izzy stammered for an embarrassing moment before practically shouting, “The chicken please, Bonnet.”
Stede laughed awkwardly, picking up the dish and handing him the chicken to break the tension. “Of course. There you are, and thank you for being so polite.” Izzy glared at the blonde man, trying to hide his expression from Blackbeard and not rip the little man’s throat out. He angrily shoveled chicken onto his plate, keeping his eyes down as he ripped the meat off its bone with his teeth.
Izzy listened to the conversation between the captains, barely paying attention as he played through a particularly violent fantasy in his head. What he would give to plunge a sword straight into Stede Fucking Bonnet’s heart. That would be the day, and then he’d finally have his rough dangerous Blackbeard all to himself again.
“I’m talking to you mate.”
“Hmm?” Izzy looked up again, seeing the rather restrained frustration on his captain’s face. “Sorry I was somewhere else.”
“Clearly.” Blackbeard set his fork down, leaning his elbows on the table in a thoughtful manner. “Stede and I were talking about making some changes to the ship. I’d like your input.”
The idea of Bonnet having any say in the matter put a sour taste in his mouth but Izzy gave his captain a tight smile in acknowledgement. “And what are these changes?”
“Well to start I think we need to redecorate. Liven up the ship a bit, it might put the men in a better mood. But I need you to rally them. I don’t think the crew knows what’s going on anymore and you could make them feel more at ease with two captains.”
Hope sprang into Izzy’s eyes when he realized now was the perfect opportunity to get rid of Stede. “Oh I agree. The men are confused, after all you can’t really run a ship with two captains. Now if we only had one captain…” He let his sentence trail off, hoping Blackbeard got the hint.
“No, they'll just have to get used to that,” he snapped. Ed smiled when he looked at Stede, rubbing the back of his hand gently with his thumb. “I wouldn’t give him up for the most beautiful of treasures.”
Izzy practically growled, wishing he could stand up dramatically but settled instead for slamming his fist on the table. “See that’s the problem! You’ve gone soft for that doughy crescent roll excuse for a man!”
Having full capability to stand, Blackbeard did- though much slower and far more menacing than his first mate had expected. He pointed a warning finger towards the graying pirate. “You will watch what you say about your captain.”
Izzy seethed with disdain, pointing at said confused crescent roll. “THAT is not my captain. And neither are you, Edward Teach. Blackbeard is my captain. Blackbeard strikes fear into the hearts of every man that sails the sea! You-” He pointed towards the taller man. “You are pathetic.”
“Is that so?” Blackbeard’s eyes flashed as he moved but the tight hand wrapped quickly around his forearm gave him pause.
“Please don’t hurt him.” Stede’s soft voice melted Blackbeard’s heart and the captain stood still, looking between his mutinous first mate and the love of his life. “He’s just angry.”
Izzy exploded. “Oh fuck off, Baby Bonnet!”
Blackbeard tore himself loose from his lover, stalking towards Izzy at an alarming rate. The first mate felt his heart lurch for a moment, the feeling then quickly replaced with excitement. He could see that familiar evil glint in his captain’s eyes that made him smile and he laughed when Blackbeard picked him up out of his chair by his neck. The stronger man easily threw Izzy against the wall, pinning him with one hand as his first mate choked and scrambled to barely stand on the tips of his nine toes. “You want the old Blackbeard back so bad, fine. How about I just cut something off again!” His face was an inch away from Izzy’s, breath hot and angry against his skin.
“Do it!” Izzy gasped. He doubted his captain would, wanting to call the man on his bluff and make him see how weak he’d been acting. His Blackbeard was still in there, he knew it.
The captain narrowed his eyes, leading him by his neck to the table where he slammed him down. He changed his grip to hold Izzy’s wrists together in front of him, grabbing the sword from his hip. Cold fear suddenly ran through the first mate’s body and he froze for a moment before struggling to get away. “Izzy Hands won’t have any hands, then we’ll see if the crew respects me!”
“NO!” Stede threw himself over the struggling man, his soft body guarding Izzy from harm.
Blackbeard immediately let go of the man’s wrists, grabbing his blonde angel to help him stand. “I won’t, I won’t dear. Look at me Stede.” He cupped the man’s head in his hands, kissing him on the forehead frantically. “Why would you ever do that? Why would you put yourself in front of my blade?”
Bonnet looked up at him with big apologetic eyes, melting into the warm touch now that the danger was over. “He doesn’t deserve it. It’s not worth the violence.”
Izzy stood up cautiously, glaring at the captain’s lapdog for ruining his chance to get Blackbeard back. “I’ll kill you if it’s the last thing I do, you fucking worm,” he grumbled, wiping the spit from his mouth. He absently reached for his knife, panicking when he realized it wasn’t there anymore.
Ed held up his sword, pointing it at Izzy’s chest in quiet warning. He wasn’t done with his first mate and the look in his eyes said he might not live to see the next sunrise either. “You want the old Blackbeard, Izzy?” He closed the space between them, one hand holding Stede’s and the other gripped tightly around his sword. “I’ll give you him. I’ll even punish you for disrespecting him.”
The graying man felt his heart beat so hard it threatened to jump out of his chest. Did Blackbeard just say he’d punish him? He couldn’t decide whether to feel terrified or excited, his masochistic devotion to the violent man warring with itself.
“Please don’t hurt him.” Stede pleaded with his lover again, ever the peacekeeper.
“Stede he has to learn his place. I’m done with this, he treats you like scum. He’s more than earned a whipping.”
“Right, I don’t doubt your judgment dear. But how severe is a whipping exactly?”
Izzy smiled at the blade pressed against his chest. “He’ll flog the flesh right off my back, won’t you captain?” A flogging didn’t sound so bad now that he saw how uncomfortable it made Bonnet. Maybe if he could make Blackbeard violent enough the little blonde lapdog would turn tail and run once he realized how monstrous his lover really was.
“Nothing you don’t deserve.” Ed lowered his sword, putting it back into his holster. “Go alert the crew. Anyone who doesn’t participate can expect to share your fate.”
When the first mate nodded his head, Stede grabbed onto his boyfriend desperately again, horrified at the prospect of watching any one of the crew be disfigured through torture. “Wait, Ed darling-.”
“Enough.” He tried to pull the man close to him but Stede seemed reluctant. “This is fair darling. The crew have to learn to respect both of their captains or we’ll have a mutiny.”
Bonnet looked between the two men, terribly upset at how the dinner had turned out. “No. I won’t allow it.”
Blackbeard raised an eyebrow at his stubborn cherub. “Won’t allow it?”
“You heard me.” Stede stepped back confidently with his hands on his hips. “I’m the co-captain, yes? Then my decision should weigh as much as yours and I say no. That man will not be flogged.”
“But Stede.”
“No. I don’t want to hear another word about it.” He turned his nose up at the taller man.
“This is bulshit,” Izzy mumbled.
Shooting the first mate a dangerous look, Blackbeard huffed. “And how is he going to respect you if he doesn’t suffer any consequences?”
The mention of consequences made Izzy prickle with barely contained hatred. Stede never had to face consequences for his actions, no wonder he was such a lousy captain. The man couldn’t even discipline his own crew. “By treating him with respect. Izzy,” he faced the man. “It was lovely to have you for dinner.”
“Fuck off.”
Blackbeard gestured at the man with an exasperated expression to prove his point. “This has gotten out of control. Izzy, if you don’t start showing Stede some basic respect-.”
“What? What will you do to me, yell? Oh no,” he whined in a fake high pitched voice, “don’t yell at me daddy, I’m so so~rry.”
The tone of Izzy’s voice made Bonnet blush and he closed his mouth in surprise. “Alright. Compromise. We still punish Izzy but we do it my way the way we talked about.”
Blackbeard was intrigued. “And what’s your way exactly?”
“We punish him in a non violent manner.”
“Stede, dear, I don’t think giving him extra chores will do the trick.”
“Ok, well uh-” he lit up as the idea struck him. He had the perfect compromise. “How about we punish him physically, yes? But without leaving any scars.”
The taller captain considered it, glancing at Izzy to see he was just as intrigued and puzzled as he felt. “How would we do that? You want to try waterboarding?”
“No no,” Stede looked around the room and grabbed a dining chair, dragging it out to the middle of the room. “By smacking him.”
Realization dawned on blackbeard's face as he remembered their earlier talks. "Oh, you mean- Hm."
Izzy really was intrigued now. He imagined what Bonnet had suggested, sitting in the chair while Blackbeard slapped him on the face. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. “I’ll try it.”
Both captains looked at him with a mix of emotions. “Right, well if we’re going to do this I need to instruct Ed. Izzy,” he pointed towards the far bookshelf. “Be a dear and go stand over there while we discuss.”
The first mate puffed himself up with offense, fists balled tightly at his sides. “I’m not taking orders from a lapdog-.”
“Do as he says,” Blackbeard ordered, pointing where Stede had indicated. “Now.”
Hesitantly Izzy limped towards the bookcase without his cane, leaning up against it with his shoulder. “Ah ah,” Stede chimed. “Facing the books please.” Izzy shot daggers at the co captain but did as the man asked, standing facing the bookshelf. He felt ridiculous as he waited trying to listen to the conversation happening behind him. It was all hushed tones and questioning babble but he couldn’t make out anything coherent. Maybe Bonnet was more sadistic than he’d given the man credit for, he could have something entirely twisted planned.
The books were interesting enough to look at and the short pirate studied them while he had the chance. The idiot captain had a lot of Shakespeare mixed with over the top decorated covers. Why anyone would waste their hard earned money on something so useless was beyond him but then Stede didn’t have to work hard for his money. The man could spend it any way his pea sizedd dog brain desired.
“Alright Izzy. Come here.” Blackbeard stood next to Stede behind the chair, both men staring at him intensely with folded arms. They looked the very picture of authoritarian gay dads. The rebellious pirate smirked at the idiocy of it all as he hobbled back over, careful not to put too much pressure on his injured foot. “Stede wants you to have a choice before we begin. Chair or the couch.”
Izzy’s eyebrows furrowed at the options and he looked at both, weighing the possibility of his decision. “The chair.” The mystery of this almost made him excited again. What could they do to him that he couldn’t stand? Their attitudes would make him think he was awaiting execution. “You’re not planning to kill me?”
“Oh no of course not,” Stede’s expression changed momentarily to one of empathy but it only served to agitate the short man further. The co captain swallowed his sympathy, reminding himself of why this was the best option. “Right. Now your other choice. Would you like Ed or me to go first?”
The last choice really stumped Izzy and he had to take a minute to consider this. What in the world could they have in mind that involved both of them and the option of a chair or couch? Was it something sexy? The homophobic pirate shook the thought from his head, refusing to let himself think that way. All this time Blackbeard had been watching him calmly, a looming figure of strength and resolve. He couldn’t deny his desire to feel his dread pirate captain’s wrath so Izzy went with his gut. “Blackbeard.”
Stede nodded his head, giving his boyfriend’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before moving behind him. “I have the utmost faith in you dear. I’ll just be over here on the couch until it’s my turn.”
Blackbeard was silent as he moved to sit on the dining chair, spreading his legs open about a foot before pointing to the spot right in front of him. “Come here.” Izzy felt his heart jump in his chest and closed their distance, stopping where he’d been told. He waited for his captain’s orders, listening to his own heart thrum in his ears with anticipation. “Take them down.” The Captain pointed to his first mate’s leg’s expectantly.
Izzy stood frozen in place as his face scrunched in confusion. His-his trousers? Did Blackbeard want him to strip himself? This would almost be perfect if that stupid rich boy Bonnet weren’t sitting there watching them. Deciding it was taking too long, Blackbeard grabbed his first mate by the arm, tugging him forward quickly. He used the man’s surprise to his advantage and was able to get him over his lap with ease, situating him properly with a heavy arm wrapped around his waist.
Then the first slap fell squarely on the seat of Izzy’s trousers and a jolt of pain spread through his skin. Another landed before he could react, another and another until a storm of slaps were raining down on his squirming backside. He was gasping, trying to grab at anything he could. Immediately he felt regret about his earlier decision of the chair over the couch, he had no leverage like this. Izzy tried to grab Blackbeard’s arm that was wrapped around his waist but found it was immovable, locking him firmly in place. A hard smack landed on the place where thigh met butt and he just barely suppressed a yelp at the pain.
As quickly as it started, Blackbeard stopped and let him go, lifting the man forcefully up to stand on his own feet. Izzy tripped over himself, backing up like a cornered animal at the sudden and strange turn of events. He hadn’t expected this, he didn’t even really know what this was. “Take your trousers down.” It wasn't a request anymore, firm and resolute but Izzy only stared at him in shock. His hands guarded his now hot backside subconsciously though he refused to run. Whatever this was, he accepted his captain’s punishment the way any good first mate would. He was just having some trouble getting his thoughts to form coherently right now.
When Izzy still didn’t move to obey, Blackbeard reached forward again and his first mate jumped into action. “Wait, I- I’ve got it.” He frantically fiddled with the strings of his trousers, regretting his fashion choices immediately when he couldn’t get his trembling fingers to coordinate with the intricate ties. Finally he got the fancy black pants undone and stood in front of his captain, a strangely familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t felt this way in a long time but he couldn’t place exactly where or when.
Blackbeard pulled Izzy towards him by the front of his pants, ripping them down roughly to bunch up above his knees. “I told you to take them down.” He tipped the man back over his knees easily and Izzy landed with a grunt.
“Sorry-uhf-” he tried to explain but the sharp smacks that immediately rained down in quick succession cut him off. Blackbeard’s arm wrapped around his waist again, pulling him in close to rest safely against his firm torso. Even through the amplified pain, something about the closeness of their position felt quietly intimate. He felt small and safe, tucked in close where he could feel the warmth of the other man he looked up to so much.
“I want to hear you apologize to Bonnet.”
The order came as a surprise to Izzy as he struggled to maintain his composure. It had to be the height of the chair but his feet couldn’t fully touch the floor and all his blood was rushing to his head from the awkward angle. He could only barely tap his toes against the solid wood and found it difficult to find any kind of support. The captain’s calloused hand moved to his thighs where his skin was exposed and began turning the untanned skin to a deep red. It was difficult to keep any noises of distress inside but Izzy bit his lip, bracing himself up against his Captain’s muscled thigh.
He always forgot just how strong Blackbeard was until the man gave him a good reason to remember. Nothing seemed to ease the pain; not biting his lip, clenching his teeth, or twisting and tensing his legs which somehow felt worse. “We can do this all day mate.”
Izzy’s head swam as he tried to focus on his captain’s words instead of the growing heat in his upper thighs. Any time he’d been punished in some way it had been slow and agonizing. He’d had time to think when the lashes of a whip were falling across his back, given a number to count to until the ordeal was over. This was different; like feeling the sting of the lash but without break, a constant burning pain that didn’t let him breath. Worse, the position made him feel so small and vulnerable. He hated feeling weak.
“Fine, be stubborn.” He felt the captain move, adjusting him over his lap so the man laid over just his left thigh now. His feet could touch the floor now and he tried to prop himself up with his hands flat against the cool smooth wood. The change of position gave him a moment to process so when the hard hand crashed down across his backside again it felt so much worse. For the first time since the whole ordeal began, Izzy made a real noise. He yelped like a kicked puppy, gritting his teeth tightly to prevent any further noises from escaping.
Suddenly the warmth and intimacy of the situation didn’t seem worth any of the pain and he felt a desperate need to get away. “Captain, please.”
“Which captain you talking to?”
Izzy grit his teeth at the question, twisting his body as the pain reached a peak. “The only damned captain I recognize!”
Blackbeard stopped, resting his hand on the glowing red skin. “That’s a lot of confidence for someone with their trousers around their knees.” Izzy felt the hand leave his thighs and tensed expecting a slap but it didn’t arrive. He could feel the captain shift like he was gesturing with his arm or talking to someone without speaking out loud. Footsteps behind him reminded Izzy of Stede’s presence and he fumed knowing the man had suggested this.
Then something unusual touched his thigh but it wasn’t the shape or size of a hand. It felt smooth and cold until it disappeared suddenly and a quick THWAP rang through the room. “A-Ah!” The pain of the instrument suddenly exploded across his skin and Izzy couldn’t help the yell he’d let out in shock. It landed again in a new spot and the first mate felt himself grow very alarmed at the prospect of enduring even more of the object’s sting. It was quick and painful like a viper and he couldn’t predict where it might land next, twisting back and forth pointlessly as it always found its mark. “I’m sorry! Stop, I’m sorry!”
“Why do I not believe you?”
“I’m sorry please- ah!- please captain!” This was a new kind of torture he’d never experienced before and it was absolutely brutal.
“You know what you have to do.” Blackbeard held on tight as he brought the spoon down repeatedly, ignoring the man’s pleas and cries for mercy.
Izzy groaned in pain, huffing as he tried to form the right words. “Alright! Stede I’m- I’m sorry!”
“Oh well that’s-.” The blonde man tried to accept his apology but Blackbeard wasn’t having it, pointing the spoon at his co captain to silence him.
“No." He brought the implement down again to resume the onslaught. "You apologize to him properly with the appropriate title.” He landed an extra hard whap that made Izzy jolt forward before continuing in a normal rhythm.
“Ok!” He felt his mind race with both anger and frantic desperation, wishing for this all to just have been a bad dream. “I’m sorry Captain!”
“Izzy,” he growled in warning. The swings became harder in response for a moment and the stubborn pirate felt tears begin to prick at his eyes.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Captain Bonnet, forgive me!” His legs were involuntarily kicking in protest and at this point he looked more like a young lad getting spanked than the first mate of a pirate ship.
“I forgive you.”
While the spoon stopped its heinous assault Izzy still struggled against the arm keeping him down, desperate to escape what felt like an undying fire across his backside and thighs. “I’ve stopped, mate. You can relax.” He felt the captain’s warm calloused hand on his skin again and felt his whole body untense, turning to putty under the now soft touch. Was it over, did he get through that godawful torture? The short pirate felt tired suddenly and wanted to lie down with a blanket instead of having to face his captain. “Get up Izzy.”
Feeling his muscles grown, Izzy pushed himself up off the larger man's thigh slowly, feeling very self conscious now that he could see both men studying him. He pulled up his trousers as quickly as he could, wincing at the sting of the fabric against his thighs.
“Why don’t you go stand…” Blackbeard looked around, deciding on the corner nearest the door. “Over there. Nose to the wall.”
Izzy hesitated a moment, feeling embarrassed as he realized it was like being sent to time out. He was a pirate, first mate to the dreaded Blackbeard, not some toddler in need of a good cry. “Ow!” The spoon hit just below his backside and he jumped forward, understanding the threat. He didn’t need extra clarification to know he was testing his captain’s patience so he scrambled to the spot he’d been indicated, limping like a penguin trying to run.
Waiting with his back to the two men felt just as vulnerable somehow as being over his captain’s knee and he was beginning to feel exhaustion set in. Maybe this was a new form of torture Blackbeard was planning on implementing for the whole crew. At least then it would make sense. Their murmuring and cut off syllables he couldn’t make out was driving him up the wall, it wasn’t fair that he had to stand here. Why should he have to stand there?
Izzy turned on his heels, ready to give his two cents to the co captains when they glared at him in unison. Feeling all of the courage suddenly leave his body at the piercing stares he spun around to face the corner again. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to challenge them right now. “Don’t make this worse for yourself mate. We’re only halfway through.”
He couldn’t say exactly why it felt like all his self preservation skills had abandoned him today but for whatever reason, they had. Now was a prime example of that. “Half!?” He practically screeched in disbelief, facing his captain again. “No, we’re done.”
“That’s not up for you to decide.” Blackbeard stood up to match his first mate’s energy, hoping the shorter man wouldn’t make this more difficult than it already had to be.
“What more do you want from me?” He looked at Bonnet and felt his anger return. “What about him? He doesn’t get any consequences for his actions!”
Blackbeard leveled a dark look towards him but his first mate just wasn’t getting it. “This isn’t about him.”
“Well why not!?”
“Darling,-” Stede tried to help but stopped when he saw Ed gesture for him to be quiet.
“You listen to anything that dandy tells you- Ed he’s not a captain, he’s hardly even a man!”
Blackbeard stalked towards him, grabbing the man by his ear and leading him back to the couch. “You’ll regret that,” he growled to his first mate. Then he sat down next to his co Captain, yanking Izzy down with him to fall gracelessly on top of his legs. Without a word the pirate captain grabbed the back of his first mate’s shirt, hauling him up so his torso lay across Stede’s lap. In the heat of the moment Izzy couldn’t figure out what was happening, letting his captain man-handle him into position before realizing his predicament.
Stede’s lap was much softer than Ed’s, the turquoise colored breeches feeling more like a pillow than a man’s legs.
“Grab his arms.”
Izzy snapped back to the present moment the second he felt Bonnet try to restrain him, bucking his body in protest. “This isn’t happening!” Blackbeard wasn’t sure if the man was trying to convince them or himself but it was indeed happening whether the brat liked it or not. He held on tight to the little man’s hips, using his weight to keep him in place. But Stede couldn’t get a hold of Izzy’s wrists and the man was starting to fight too rough, hitting the co captain in the stomach with his elbow.
“That’s enough of that.” Blackbeard grabbed his first mate by the scruff of his neck, pushing him down so his head rested just barely over Stede’s thigh, his nose touching the couch cushion. The position made it easier for the co captain to restrain him and he grabbed Izzy’s hands together, pulling them to the small of his back.
“I think I’ve got it,” Stede cheerily told his boyfriend.
Nodding, Blackbeard released the man’s neck and pulled him in closer by the hip, resting his heavy forearm over his lower back. “Let’s get this over with then.”
“Wait!” Izzy felt completely helpless, trapped under the two men who were both bigger than him and it triggered a feral panic. In the case of fight or flight, he was a rabid bunny trapped under two foxes. The first blow landed and he could do nothing but wriggle under the iron like grips that kept him in place. The hand that came down felt so rough and uncaring, no mercy to be found now that he’d dug himself so deep into trouble. None of it made sense to him, why was his captain choosing such an unusual punishment? Why didn’t he just cut off a body part or flog him to within an inch of his life?
This felt so slow and constant, like nothing at all could stop the onslaught from building more of a burn in his backside and the immobility only amplified that feeling. He tried to break his wrists free but the doughy blonde had a surprisingly firm hold for having such soft hands. “I would try to calm down a bit if I were you. Ed looks a bit peeved.” The sing-songy voice above him made Izzy snarl and he contemplated biting the man’s thigh.
He was right though, as much as the first mate hated to admit it, things were only getting worse for him the more he struggled. The flame in his backside was beginning to feel unbearable and he didn’t know what else they had planned or how long they intended to torment him. Blackbeard wasn’t letting up and Izzy almost wasn’t sure if the man was using his hand or the spoon. At that thought he wondered where the damn thing had gone, hoping neither of them knew either. He looked around from his limited perspective, trying to lift his face from the awkward position.
Izzy saw it then, poking out from behind a turquoise colored overcoat. Stede had it, or maybe he didn’t realize it was behind him but the damned thing was there wedged into the couch cushion. “Now we’re going to talk.” Blackbeard grabbed onto the waist of Izzy’s black trousers, pulling them back down to his knees. “And you’re going to listen. If you don’t,” his fingers wrapped around the top of his first mate’s drawers and Izzy felt his stomach do a flip. “Then these are coming down.”
“Yes- yes sir.” He clenched his hands into tight fists against his back, wishing he were anywhere else but here.
“Good. I’m sorry about your toe.” That wasn’t what he was expecting to hear but at least right now he wasn’t getting smacked. “I’m not the same Blackbeard anymore. I can’t go back to being that violent man. I won’t. So you’ll just have to get used to the new Blackbeard.”
Izzy felt like the whole world was upside down right now and his shoulders tensed anxiously. “Violence isn’t always the answer you know.” Stede seemed happy to chime in his own thoughts on the matter. “Sometimes a bit of a smack and a warm hug can do wonders for a person. Plus,” he squeezed Izzy’s wrists gently to emphasize his point, “you’re left with all your limbs intact at the end.”
It took every ounce of restraint in his body not to bite back a scathing ‘fuck you’ but Izzy held his tongue and swallowed his pride. What little of it was left at least. “Are you listening?”
“Yes,” he shot quickly. The threat of being bared for both his resolute Blackbeard and that pansy-dog Bonnet to see made him feel queasy inside. He almost wished he’d kept the style of the longer drawers that covered the thighs instead of adopting the new high fashion of small tight drawers. He was never trusting a tailor to make his fashion choices for him again.
“So this is how it’s going to go from here on.” Blackbeard slapped his thigh to test the man’s focus. “Stede and I are both captain. If he makes a decision you don’t like, you can treat it like it came from me. And disobeying orders from now on will have different consequences than you’re used to. If I hear even a whisper of you mistreating Stede I’ll make this seem like it was a love tap. Do you hear me?”
Izzy had a thousand thoughts racing through his head at his captain’s announcement. He couldn’t really be serious about implementing this kind of discipline among the crew, could he? Nobody would agree to it, he didn’t agree with it; but then he wasn’t really given a choice at the moment. He had no arguments left he could use to convince Blackbeard that Stede wasn’t a competent leader. The man was so fond of his blond lapdog that saying anything only ever incurred his fury. He’d have to prove to the man that Stede was an imbecile if he wanted to make a noticeable point. “Ah! Wait, captain- Sir-” Izzy felt his drawers tugged down to join his trousers, a deep blush rushing up his neck.
“I told you to listen. You didn’t.” His first mate squirmed in embarrassment, trying in vain to bury his head in the couch away from them. He’d give anything to wake up and realize this was all just a wild nightmare and his captain never got the harebrained idea to punish him in the first place. “Here’s how it’s gonna go.” His hand came down on the reddened skin in quick angry slaps. “I’m going to spank you until I know you’re going to listen. Then you’re going over Stede’s lap and he’s going to finish your discipline the way he sees fit. Do I make myself perfectly clear mate?”
“Yes! Yes- ahow!- I understand!” Izzy squirmed, rolling his hips back and forth to avoid the fiery swats that kept landing right where they meant to. It felt like an eternity of torment as it continued and his legs kicked involuntarily. As much as he was trying to do what his captain asked, he just couldn’t stand the idea of Stede being in charge too. He didn’t want to go over Bonnet’s lap and be disciplined more, he just wanted his captain- his real captain- to be confident in him and go back to acting like his old self.
But then he certainly wasn’t what Izzy had accused him of being, definitely not now. The man was anything but pathetic and the deep ache in his backside was testament to the captain’s strength alone. He was holding him down like it was the easiest thing in the world and here Izzy was, completely immobile and struggling to keep from crying out. Maybe he was the one that had grown weak, not Blackbeard. “Alright.” The captain patted his first mate’s backside to show he was done with his portion of the man’s punishment. “Ready to behave?”
Izzy clenched his whole body in agony, hating himself more every second for being so weak. He managed a quiet, “Yes,” in acknowledgement to the lesser of the two evils. He could either keep getting smacked by Blackbeard and then Stede or just move right to Stede. The options were terrible.
“Good.” The captain slapped his first mate’s thigh jokingly, leaning back against the couch. “Then you can move.” He felt Bonnet release his wrists and sighed at the relief of having his hands free again. Slowly he moved his arms to push himself up off their laps when he felt Blackbeard tug him back down. “I said move, not get up.” He pointed towards Stede. “Get in position.”
If Izzy could punch the co captain without consequence right then he would. Having to crawl over to lie on Bonnet’s lap was just mean, even for Ed. The absolute sadist. Taking a deep breath, the first mate lifted himself up, staring at where he was meant to go with dread. Finally he pulled himself over, settling on top of the pillowy lap with gritted teeth and clenched fists. “Right. Well I know this has all been very unpleasant for you but it’s almost over.” Stede rested his arm across the man’s back and he could feel Blackbeard moving out from under his legs to sit on top of the couch. “Would you like to say anything before we begin?”
How could Ed not see that Bonnet was goading him into further punishment with a question like that? Of course he had something to say, he had a lot of things to say but currently he was more concerned about the skin on his backside. “No,” he snapped.
“Great! Well I’ll just grab that spoon…” Stede reached around on the couch, wondering where the blasted thing had gone to when Izzy saw his opportunity. He could push it down into the couch so they wouldn’t see it and make his ending punishment less severe than they’d planned. In fact, he was sure when he got his hands on that evil instrument that he would chuck it overboard into the sea. They couldn’t use it on him if it wasn’t even on the ship.
“Here, use my belt.” Blackbeard began unbuckling the offered instrument and Izzy felt his heart stop.
“It’s behind you in the cushion.”
Stede reached around and pulled out the spoon from its hiding spot, smiling as he held it up. “Oh, so it is. Thank you Izzy.” The pirate grumbled in response but at least the damned thing was better than a belt. “Well, let’s begin.” Bonnet brought the spoon down so hard that the short pirate had to gasp for air at the impact. How in the world could such a soft cowardly man pack that strong of a punch?! The spoon landed again, lower on his thigh now and Izzy whimpered in pain. There was no way the blonde planned on using that amount of strength for the whole thing, he couldn’t.
When it came down again Izzy jolted, crossing his legs instinctually. This unfortunately only made it easier to access his sit spots and Stede slammed the spoon down three times in a row before the man could even think. The first mate let out a guttural whine, fighting a strong impulse to bite his torturer. “For fucks sake!”
The utensil came down rapid fire all over his upper thighs, some hitting the crease of his backside and the man couldn’t stand it. He thrashed, hitting Stede in the side and on his leg to get him to stop. The amount of pain this man could inflict seemed beyond human, it wasn’t fair. “No hitting,” Stede chided casually. When the spoon kept coming down and Izzy kept thrashing, the blonde disciplinarian decided enough was enough. “Alright, how would you like to go stand in the corner young man?”
“I am NOT! A child!” Izzy practically screamed at him.
“Well you’re certainly acting like one.” Bonnet brought the spoon down again, having trouble holding the pirate down across his lap. He kept the whacks focused now to just his sit spots, overlapping a lot of skin where it was already a glowing red. The angry pirate would have a hard time sitting down for the next few days, that much was certain.
As the red blotches began to overlay across his skin Izzy grit his teeth, finding himself at his breaking point. With desperation the first mate threw his hands back, guarding the angry marks from collecting more if only for a moment. Stede stopped immediately when he saw the man’s palms, sighing softly at how stubborn he was being. Without a word he grabbed Izzy's wrists together, holding them tightly across his back with little protest from the man. He knew it was useless at this point to really fight, what with Blackbeard watching the whole process unfold.
Something about the whole ordeal reminded him of a familiar feeling, a foggy memory that was beginning to become less cloudy with every smack. “You can throw a tantrum all you like but you are getting this spanking.”
Suddenly Izzy felt his resolve crumble, the veil lifted as he remembered what he had lost. He could barely recall any of his childhood, even less of his parents, but this was familiar. He’d been in this position before over his mother’s knee for doing something stupid only a kid would do in the first place. Her stern voice and awful wooden spoon would land every time without fail until he learned his lesson, blubbering into her apron about how he’d never be bad again. Now here he was, a full grown adult over someone’s knee being spanked again until he’d learned his lesson. Nothing had really changed but his size.
Izzy’s shoulders started to shake as it all came rushing back and he felt just as sore and sorry as he had when he was a lad. He just wanted it to be over, no matter the cost and the tears he’d been holding back finally began to fall. “I’m sorry! Sorry, I’m sorry!”
“There there,” Stede soothed. “We all make mistakes. It’s ok to cry, let it out.” He could feel the man’s soft hand rub across his back in circles but this only confused Izzy more. How could Blackbeard approve of this, didn’t he think his first mate was weak for crying? He’d be lucky if his captain didn’t throw him overboard himself or tie him to the mast to suffer the elements. “See that’s what happens when you keep all that anger pent up inside. It just turns into violence and rage.”
Blackbeard smiled at his boyfriend, impressed with his hidden skills for discipline. He’d really expected the man to be soft on his first mate, not even more fierce than he’d been. It gave him a new respect for his co captain and also a new insight into how tremendously effective this was on Izzy. Maybe they could completely turn the ship around, especially if they could reconstruct Izzy’s loyalty and propensity for needless violence. “You did good, mate.”
Speaking over the short pirate’s loud blubbering, Stede handed Ed the dreaded wooden spoon. “Keep that somewhere safe, it might go missing soon.” Blackbeard took the object, smiling as he tucked it into his leather jacket. “Now we just need to make sure he knows the slate is completely clear. A very essential part of disciplining.”
“I see.” He was learning so much from his beautiful blonde angel that he’d never considered before and it fascinated him.
Stede could feel Izzy beginning to calm down and quickly pulled the man’s drawers up to help him feel less exposed. “Now. Izzy, are you with us?” The first mate shook his head up and down in the affirmative. “Good. Now going forward things will be different but you know that now, don’t you?”
“Y-yes,” he wheezed.
“We have different expectations of you now and it’s ok if it takes you a while to get used to this. But there will be no more disrespecting your captains and no more needless violence. Ok?”
Izzy wiped his tear-stricken face across his puffy sleeve, hiccupping slightly as he got his sobs under control. “Yes sir.”
The added honorific made Stede fill with pride for his first mate and he patted him on the back. “There’s a good lad. Now, the most important bit. You are forgiven. Ed-,” he turned to his co captain, motioning for him to repeat.
Together they said, “You are forgiven,” like an off-sync two man band.
“I’m sure you’d much rather be off my lap now so let’s get you up on your own two legs shall we?” Stede tried to lift the man up by his shoulders but Izzy pushed himself up before he could, wobbling once he was standing. He wiped at his face urgently, trying to pretend like he hadn’t just been spanked to tears like a little boy. Stede opened his arms wide in a welcoming gesture to offer some comfort. “Would you like a hug?”
“No I don’t want a fucking-” he cut himself off at the glare Ed was shooting him and swallowed hard. “No.” He grabbed the top of his rolled down trousers, pulling them back up and trying to redo the strings. The feeling of fabric on his hot red skin felt agonizing but he hid it behind his usual mask of ferocity.
“Are you hungry?” Blackbeard jumped off the couch, clasping Izzy’s shoulder in a reaffirming gesture.
Izzy felt silly to admit he was and while the food was cold now, his stomach was grumbling a bit. He’d only had a few bites before the whole event took place. “Yeah.”
“Good, let’s sit down and eat, I’m starving.” Ed led the man back over to the table with a guiding hand on his lower back, helping him walk more steadily without the cane. Izzy expected to sit back down in his former seat but was shocked to find his captain pull out the chair next to his, directly across from Stede so they could all eat together.
“Here?”
“Well yeah. I want to keep an eye on you.” Blackbeard motioned to the chair and held back a smile when Izzy sat down with a grimace. Stede came up behind them, setting the first mate’s plate down in front of him with his old glass of wine.
“We’ve got a lot to talk about now, don’t we?” Stede was far too chipper for Izzy’s liking but he remained respectful throughout their second dinner, quietly eating his fill. It was strangely nice to sit around a table with his now two captains as they chatted about whatever it was they fancied. The evening grew late with pleasant talk and fine wine, amplified only by the good company of his happy captains. If he were honest he’d admit he really did enjoy seeing Blackbeard happy, even if it did have to be because of Stede Bonnet. If anything the two really complimented each other, each man both kinder and stronger because of the other.
As Izzy’s head began to droop later into the night he found a blanket wrapped around his shoulders but he didn’t protest. It was nice being cared for after having to be strong for so long. Even if his backside did ache horribly, the comfort felt worth it at the end. When he woke up the next morning he found himself curled up on the couch with a blanket, his knife on the floor beside him. He still didn’t know which one of the captains had managed to swipe his knife so stealthily but he didn’t care anymore. What he did care about was the sound of singing above deck and he felt hope for the first time in a long while that things were finally on the right track.